One of the songs that they play at PNC Park this year when introducing the Pirate lineup is “Roller Coaster.” You know the one, with the really high-pitched chorus and the really funky beat. Well, here’s hoping they played it for all three games against the Brewers earlier this week, because it would be the perfect summation of the series.
I’m not kidding — by the time last night rolled around and the Pirates boarded their plane for Arizona, I was emotionally exhausted by all that had transpired in the previous three games. In fact, these emotions were so strong that I am going to withhold any sort of intense statistical analysis of the series, and instead (at the risk of being too girly) recount my feelings during it.
Here we go!
Disgust (at seeing that it was the Brewers coming in to town)
Fear (at the prospect of the Pirates’ losing streak against the Brewers stretching to 18 games)
Disappointment (at the rain delay that delayed the start of Monday night’s game by more than two hours)
Enjoyment (at Rocco’s rain delay broadcast, in which he was on the air, non-stop, for close to 90 minutes)
Disgust (at seeing the actual Brewers take the field)
Joy (at seeing the Pirates post 6 quick runs off of Brewers’ starter Mike Burns)
Even More Joy (at seeing yet another Garrett Jones home run)
Disgust (at having to watch the Brewers)
Exhaustion (at falling asleep in the top of the eighth inning)
Confusion (at waking up in the bottom of the eighth inning to see a shoving match taking place around home plate)
Anger (at realizing what had precipitated the shoving match taking place around home plate)
Glee (at waking up the next morning and realizing the Pirates had won the game, 8-5)
Disgust (at reading some of the Brewers’ childish comments about the shoving match in the paper)
Optimism (at the potential for the Bucs to make it two in a row against the Brewers on Tuesday night)
Disgust (at having to watch the Brewers, again)
Frustration bordering on anger (at the Pirates’ complete inability to score runs on Tuesday night)
Disgust (at listening to Tim Neverett describe the Brewers’ stupid shirt-untucking ritual as they celebrated their 2-0 win)
Glee (at listening to and putting my two cents’ into Tuesday night’s discussion du jour on Extra Innings; namely, “How much do you hate the Brewers?”)
But none of that — I say none of that — was preparation for the roller coaster of yesterday’s game. To fully understand the ride, it’s necessary to bring in some primary sources; namely, the email conversation that transpired between TBMLR Kev (who was following the Phillies’ game at the same time) and me. Oh, and we sometimes speak in our own language, so explanatory italics are included where necessary.
After some talk about the Adam LaRoche trade (which is covered in another post, if you scroll down a bit), we got into our respective games.
Kev: And Garrett Jones! My goodness. He’s as hot as the Phillies. We should trade for him. Put him at catcher.
Me (7 minutes later): Not gonna happen. He’s our everyday 1B now. TRB! That’s right, baby! I am so overly excited…Pirates have scored all of their runs on HRs. Doumit with 2, Cutch with 1, and Jones (natch) naturally with 1. Maybe Cutch and “GFJ” (as Rocco has dubbed him) will tie for ROY Rookie of the Year. TRB!
Kev (13 minutes later): They’ll both tie for 2nd behind Happ.
Me (10 minutes later: WHY IS MAHOLM SERVING IT UP???? AND TO BRAUN OF ALL PEOPLE (he had, at this point, just cleared the bases with a hit)…THIS IS REMINISCENT OF THE GAME AGAINST THE METS — GET A FIVE-RUN LEAD, THEN SQUANDER IT. IT’S MY OWN FAULT FOR BEING SO CONFIDENT AND FANCY-PANTS. SORRY FOR ALL THE CAPS, BUT I AM MURGHHHH extremely angry!
Kev (1 minute later): DOORS FELL OFF AT THE SAME TIME IN PHILADELPHIA. MOYER LOADED THE BASES WITH NOBODY OUT. ALL IN ALL AFTER AN ERROR THE CUBS GOT 4. 4-0 BOTTOM 4. DOORS = OFF.
Me (2 minutes later): Doors now officially off in PGH as well — McGehee with the two-run job. Just for the record (in case you were wondering), I hate the Brewers!
Kev (3 minutes later): Didn’t know you didn’t care for that team. Phils go 1, 2, 3 in the 4th. Ugh.
Me (10 minutes later): That’s the worst, when you can’t even make some noise after you serve it up. Buccos are about to do the same in the 5th. Scratch that. LaRoche (the only one left now) doubles in Delwyn Young. Good. Still need one more.
Kev (2 minutes later): Moyer just gave up another run. 5-0.
Me (7 minutes later): Ouch. Hanrahan’s in the game. This means trouble.
Kev (7 minutes later): Well that may have been our shot. Bases chucked nobody out. Only got 1. Not soooo gooood.
Me (18 minutes later): Who’s pitching for the Petsies Cubs today? It’s not Z is it? My appleols apologies to Hanrahan so far — very, very impressive. (Knock on wooden peg-leg.)
Kev (5 minutes later): Zambrano. We’re not getting his pitch count high enough. 5-3 now. Pete Happy Pedro Feliz with a 2-RBI single. Uncle Charley Charlie Manuel got tossed. Top 7. Ryan The Riot Ryan Theriot is up.
Me (8 minutes later): SEBBIN! Basically, gosh darn it! Jeff Salazar GIDPs to end the threat in the bottom of the seventh. Maybe that was in honor of the dearly departed Adam LaRoche. 7-7, top 8. I lied. In the time it took me to answer that phone call, Johnny Grabs set them down on 8 pitches. That’s what I’m talking about! Momentum still swinging our way. But something must be done, post-haste.
Kev (14 minutes later): Saw you stranded two in the 8th. Not good. Doors off again in Philly. Cubs got three more in the 7th. Durbin decided to walk 167 people. Ugh. 8-3 now. Not looking good.
Me (3 minutes later): Yeah, I’ll tell you what — GFJ is going to throw his back out from singlehandedly carrying the offense. 2 2Bs, 1 HR, 1 BB on the day. Matty C in the game, despite Grabow only throwing 8 pitches in the 8th. I’m starting to have a bad feeling about this.
Unfortunately, that bad feeling seemed on the verge of coming to fruition, when in the top of the 9th, Capps served up a triple to Mike Cameron (or, as I like to call him, Mr. HGH) with only one out. Emotion at that time: dejection.
But all was not lost! Incredibly, Ryan Braun and Casey McGehee struck out swinging, which, of course, left Cameron stranded at third. Emotion at that time: excitement mingled with sheer disbelief.
And then, moments later, I started a whole new email to Kev. The subject line: “Honestly. I am sorry that you are losing. But…”
And in the biggest font I could find, the body of the email went a little something like this: “YESSSSSS! BRANDON MOSS WALKS IT OFF.” Emotion at that time: elation.
Whew! I need a nap. (Or a tranquilizer.)